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@ChinoUTD

Football fiction & satire | Stories you wish were true | Sponsored by @rainbetcom
Satire Joined October 2016
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🚨 Yamal on English football after facing Newcastle:

“You receive the ball and it feels like you’ve stolen something. Three players come immediately. I don’t know how technical players like Bruno survive there.”
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🚨 Arsene Wenger on Nigeria trusting Alex Iwobi’s football:

“I asked Alex, ‘When you receive the ball for your club, what do you want your teammates to do?’

He said, ‘Give me options.’

‘And when you play for Nigeria?’

He smiled.

‘The same thing.’

Exactly. He has changed his shirt. He has not changed how he sees football.

Watching the supporters call him over after the Tanzania game pleased me very much. But I also want that appreciation to influence how people understand his role.

Alex is a player you should help to become involved. You cannot leave him surrounded, give him the ball late and then ask why he has not created something.

In the Premier League, watch his best passages. He receives, moves the ball, changes position and becomes available again. Sometimes he carries it. Sometimes he plays quickly because he has already seen the next pass.

He enjoys having a teammate close enough to combine and another threatening the space beyond.

‘Come towards me.’

‘You want the ball?’

‘Yes. Then keep moving.’

That movement after the pass is important. If you give him the ball and stop, you have removed one of his options yourself.

I asked him about playing deeper for Nigeria.

‘Can you see more of the pitch from there?’

‘Yes.’

‘And can you reach the players ahead?’

‘If they give me the movement.’

There is your conversation.

People will debate whether he should be a number ten, an eight or something else. Those discussions have value. But first ask whether the team is giving him the conditions to play well.

Deeper can be useful if he receives facing forward and has runners ahead. Higher can be useful if somebody can find him between the lines.

Putting him closer to the striker does not automatically make him more creative. He still needs to receive the ball.

And putting him deeper should not mean asking him to spend the evening passing between the centre-backs.

You want him helping Nigeria progress.

I liked the idea of Ndidi moving beyond while Alex offered underneath. Now the opposition must decide.

‘Do I follow the runner?’

‘Then Alex can turn.’

‘Do I go towards Alex?’

‘Then who follows the runner?’

That is how teammates help a creative player. They give the opponent more than one problem.

You have forwards who want service. Wingers who can threaten space. Let Alex establish those connections. Find him early enough that he can choose the pass, rather than simply escape pressure.

I told him, ‘You do not have to produce the final ball every time to control an attack.’

He said, ‘Sometimes the first pass is the important one.’

‘Yes. And you must keep asking for it.’

That is what I want from him. Responsibility. The confidence to receive again after something has not worked.

And from Nigeria, I want a clear understanding of what they have.

A player trusted to solve problems in Premier League matches should come to his national team feeling that his intelligence is wanted there too.

The supporters gave him a lovely message after the game.

‘Alex, we appreciate you.’

Now I would like his teammates to keep giving him the football version.

‘Alex, here is the ball. We are moving.’”
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🚨 Xavi on claims he is hiding in international football:

🗣️ Reporter: “Critics say you moved into international management because your tactics weren’t good enough for club football. Your response?”

🗣️ Xavi:

“I was told Greece would be a proper test. They’d beaten Germany, drawn with them again and taken points off us. We prepared accordingly and scored seven. Now I’m being told I need a proper test. I’ll ask the players to leave the next one at one-nil so we can get assessed.”
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🚨 Ruud Gullit on people dismissing Xavi’s Netherlands:

“Someone said to me, ‘Yes, but it’s Greece.’

I said, ‘The same Greece who beat Germany?’

‘Germany had a bad game.’

‘And when they drew with Germany again?’

‘That was different.’

Apparently, everybody is allowed an explanation except the coach whose team are winning seven-nil.

Greece beat Serbia away. They took four points against Germany. They drew with the Netherlands last time.

They arrived here knowing they could compete. Xavi’s team have made them look as though they cannot.

There is a difference, and the manager deserves credit for creating it.

What I like is how many players are involved in hurting them. Reijnders scores three, and naturally everybody talks about him. But look at the options around him.

Malen can come towards the ball. Reijnders can run beyond him. The wide players stretch the defence, and suddenly a midfielder has to decide whether to follow the runner or protect the space in front.

You can imagine that conversation.

‘Stay with Reijnders.’

‘Then who takes the player receiving between the lines?’

‘Tell the defender to step out.’

‘He’s watching Malen.’

While they are working that out, the ball has moved again.

That is what good attacking football does. It makes your next decision difficult before you have finished the first one.

People talk about Xavi wanting possession as though his ambition is to finish with a nice percentage.

Watch this team. They are using the ball to get somewhere.

If the pass forward is available, somebody plays it. If a defender follows, somebody attacks what he has left. And when a player makes that run, his teammate is looking for him.

You don’t produce that understanding by telling eleven talented players, ‘Go and enjoy yourselves.’

I played with wonderful footballers. Wonderful footballers can still get in each other’s way.

‘Why have you come into my space?’

‘Because nobody gave me the ball in mine.’

Then everybody starts coming short, nobody threatens the goal, and you have possession without making the opposition uncomfortable.

This Netherlands team are giving each other room to play. That is the exciting part.

And look at Timber. Two goals from a defender. Greece are already dealing with the forwards and the midfield runners, and now somebody else arrives.

Who are they supposed to stop watching?

At five-nil, the easy thing is to enjoy the applause and let the match drift. They come out and score again. Then again.

That tells me the players understand what they are doing and want to keep doing it.

Someone will say, ‘Let’s see whether Xavi can improve.’

Of course he can improve. He is still developing as a manager. That should excite you when you see what his team can already produce.

We’re quite happy to discuss a young player’s potential. With a coach, some people want the finished career before they will acknowledge a good performance.

He has taken a side that drew with Greece and found ways to pull them apart.

Give the players their credit. They have been excellent.

But if you were ready to blame Xavi when this fixture was difficult, you cannot suddenly decide the manager has nothing to do with it when it becomes seven-nil.”
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🚨 Tijjani Reijnders on whether Manchester City were watching his hat-trick:

“Someone asked if this would make City regret letting me go. I don’t know. Greece let me go for the first goal and did exactly the same for the second. Some people need more convincing. I scored the third just in case.”