Ryan Doherty

You tried your hardest at a language and you still don't know why it never stuck. Join the club — most of us are in the same boat. Want to laugh about it? Cry about it? Welcome to the Dead Linguists Society: language-mindset-quiz.netlify.app — 2 minutes. Can't promise fluency. I can promise a sob or a guffaw.

French "avoir la moutarde qui monte au nez" — to have the mustard rising to your nose, for the exact half-second before you completely lose it with someone. English just says "seeing red." French makes you into a condiment.

Turkish can build one word that does the work of a whole sentence, and it’s not a trick, every piece is a real suffix stacked in order. Take the (genuinely constructed, nobody actually says this) 70-letter showcase word: start with "muvaffakiyet" (success), add "-sizleştirici" (a thing that makes something unsuccessful), add "-leştiriveremeyebilecek" (that we might not quickly be able to turn into), add "-lerimizden" (from among ours), add "-mişsinizcesine" (as though you were). String it all together and you get: "as though you are one of those we might not be able to quickly turn into a maker of unsuccessful people." One word. Lego for people with considerably more patience than me.

Polish "bułka z masłem" — a bread roll with butter, for something ridiculously easy. The exam was bułka z masłem. Learning Polish cases is, notably, never once described this way.

English says "there's someone for everyone". Greek says there is a lid for every pot, and frankly I find that more reassuring.