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The Onion Verified account @TheOnion · Jan 15, Jan 15, 2026, 1:00 AM “It’s really hard to focus on work when you spent the previous night getting railed by Steely in Franco Harris’ living room,” Peter Hayward said theonion.com/vivid-sex-drea… theonion.com Vivid Sex Dream About Steely McBeam Again PITTSBURGH—Acknowledging that the erotic, ultrarealistic episodes had been a frequent occurrence since the NFL season began, local resident Peter Hayward told reporters Tuesday that his vivid sex...
The Onion Verified account @TheOnion · Jan 15, Jan 15, 2026, 12:30 AM The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With The Stars Of ‘Heated Rivalry’ theonion.com/the-onions-exc…
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The Onion Verified account @TheOnion · Jan 14, Jan 14, 2026, 11:00 PM Cryptic New Laundry Room Rule Hints At Tale Of Bizarre Infraction theonion.com/cryptic-new-la… theonion.com Cryptic New Laundry Room Rule Hints At Tale Of Bizarre Infraction HOBOKEN, NJ—Pondering the mysterious circumstances that could have led to such a sign being posted, sources within a local apartment building said Thursday that an enigmatic new rule taped to the...