Bill Maher

When both parties don’t compromise, nobody gets anything.

For Republicans, losing Texas was like finding out your girlfriend is dating a lesbian. You knew she was unhappy, but you didn't think she’d go that far.

Ron Livingston this week at @ClubRandom_!

Seashells, Ted. Seashells. 86/47

What's really stealing your kids' souls is that little electronic portal of anonymous evil that's glued to their hands. No one's putting a razor blade in an apple. The problem is Apple, the company. #Halloween