Kremi Smith | Counsellor (MBACP)

Your brain loves playing the “What If” game?

What if I fail? What if they get angry? What if everything goes wrong?

The tricky part about anxiety is that it only ever tells you the scary end of the story. It drops a terrifying scenario in your lap and leaves you stranded there.

The next time your mind starts spiraling with “what ifs,” try taking control of the game using these three steps:

1️⃣ Identify & Name It
Say it out loud: “What is the worst-case scenario I’m actually imagining right now?” Then, label it: “I am catastrophising.” Simply naming the thought creates a little bit of space between you and the loud voice in your head.

2️⃣ Test Your Capability
Ask yourself: “If this worst-case scenario actually happened, could I handle it?” Remind your nervous system of a simple truth: you have survived 100% of your worst days so far. You are far more adaptable than your anxiety gives you credit for.

3️⃣ Balance the Picture
Anxiety gives you a one-sided script. Force your brain to look at the rest of the picture by asking: “What is the best-case outcome?” or “What is the most likely, realistic outcome?”

Remember: Your thoughts are just suggestions, not predictions. You don’t have to believe every story your anxiety tells you.

Your attachment style isn't a permanent character flaw or a life sentence. It’s just the strategy your brain developed to feel safe around people.

How your nervous system responds to closeness depends on what it learned growing up:

Secure Attachment: "I feel safe expressing my feelings, trusting others, and being close, while still keeping my own independence."

Anxious Attachment: "I worry about being abandoned or left behind, so I stay hyper-aware of your mood and constantly seek reassurance that we're okay."

Avoidant Attachment: "I feel suffocated or unsafe when people get too close, so I pull away, bottle up my feelings, and rely entirely on myself."

Disorganised Attachment: "I deeply crave closeness and love, but when someone actually gets close, my system panics and tells me to run."

None of these make you "broken." They mean your body did what it had to do to protect you.

The wonderful news? Attachment styles are dynamic. Through self-compassion, safe relationships, and therapy, you can build earned security—teaching your nervous system that it is safe to be both independent and deeply connected.

Which pattern feels most familiar to you?

People-pleasing isn’t always just a habit. Sometimes, it’s a nervous system response.
We talk a lot about fight, flight, and freeze. But there is a fourth survival response that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough: The Fawn Response.
Fawning is what happens when your nervous system decides that the safest way to handle stress, conflict, or a threatening environment is to appease, comply, and melt into the background.
It looks like:
- Automatically saying “yes” when every part of you wants to say “no.”
- Apologising constantly just to keep the peace.
- Chronic exhaustion from managing everyone else’s moods before your own.
If this sounds familiar, please know: You aren’t broken. Your body learned that taking care of everyone else’s comfort was the smartest way to keep you safe.
Healing is learning how to gently drop the shield, stay in your own body, and discover that it is safe to take up space.

We often think that in order to grow, we have to fight against who we currently are. But real, sustainable transformation usually starts from a place of self-compassion. When we stop exhausting our energy on self-criticism and instead meet ourselves with radical acceptance, the heavy armor drops—and growth finally becomes possible.

Anxiety isn't always the enemy.

We often talk about wanting to eliminate anxiety completely, but your nervous system actually uses anxiety to protect you. The key is understanding when it’s helping you—and when it’s stuck in a loop.

Here is a simple way to spot the difference:

Helpful Anxiety (Your Warning System)
🌱 Protects: Fires up in response to real, present situations (like feeling a sudden wave of caution when driving in heavy, hazardous weather).
🌱 Motivates: Gives you a gentle push to prepare for an exam, a speech, or an important conversation.
🌱 Temporary: Peaks when needed, then settles back down once the situation passes.

Toxic Anxiety (Your Stuck Alarm System)

🔥 Exaggerates: Fills your mind with worst-case scenarios when you are actually safe.
🔥 Exhausts: Keeps your body in a constant state of high alert (tight chest, racing thoughts, panic), draining your battery.
🔥 Restricts: Tells you to avoid safe experiences, shrinking your world over time.

Which of these resonates with you right now?