Simon Holland

I didn't realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. That's still a very low number of rodeos.

Saw a group of ladies oohing and aahing over pics on a phone. I figured it was some handsome celebrity but it turned out to be a new refrigerator. Middle age is wild.

Gonna sharemax with my wife today. Just send her like 100 reels and Tik Toks so she knows I love her. Hope she likes watching knives get sharpened and baseball gloves get relaced.

I don’t secretly steal my kids’ Halloween candy. I eat it right in front of them while maintaining eye contact. Total power move.

Lately, when I leave the gym and see another dad just getting there I hit him with, “I loosened them for you” and honestly it crushes every time.